Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Thanks Post Office

When i said this wouldn't become a rant blog, well i lied.

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds."

Today was the last straw. Not only did none of the cock suckers involved with this house deal NOT get back to me. Nor when i drove past the house had ANY progress been made. I get home to this gem.

If you are wondering what you are looking at. Yep, that's right, that WAS a birthday card. But see, even though they ruined the ONLY card i get from my memere' and pepere' a year. They were able to wrap it in plastic and add a little note

Text from note reads as follows:
Dear Postal Customer:

We sincerely regret the damage to your mail during handling by the Postal Service. We hope this incident did not inconvenience you. We realize that your mail is important to you and that you have every right to expect it to be delivered in good condition.

Although every effort is made to prevent damage to the mail, occasionally this will occur because of the great volume handled and the rapid processing methods which must be employed to assure the most expeditious distribution possible.

We hope you understand. We assure you that we are constantly striving to improve our processing methods in order that even a race occurrence may be eliminated.

Please accept our apologies


Your Postmaster

Inconvenience me? F off! Why couldn't you wreck the 1,000 credit card offers i get a year. Or how about those Verizon yellow page phone books i get that i just fling into the road and watch get run over for the next week. Who the hell even uses a phone book anymore? Thanks for delivering those dry and crisp, good work.

You know, "constantly striving to improve" really gets to me. REALLY? you mean charging more and more to do the exact same thing (Thanks Unions) that you've done since you did it on fucking horseback? Wow, good system, way to plan for the future. I can't wait until post is eliminated from service and everything has to be done online so all of you worthless post-vasectomy testicles can be forced out of existence like the dinosaur.

The thing that pisses me off the most. Because some a-hole wrecked my card. Accidents happen, that's fine, just own it. Write a note "Hey Josh, i fucked up your card, sorry about that, i was delirious from having smoked so much pot to tolerate this shit end job." At least there would have been some kind of hint of truth in that. I'd have still been bummed, sure, but i would have gone, "well at least it was a person and he owned it." Nope, thanks to our new age American slogan of, "cover your ass and not own your mistakes." Now, you and i the taxpayer get have to pay for some other dumb dick to take the time to put in a generic apology and then gift wrap the damaged item in plastic as if preserving the damage would make me feel that much better.

If you work for the post office, please go postal and kill your coworkers. The less of you on the planet the more i can stop caring about my "carbon footprint." Dreaming of post office killings is just my way of "going green."


"Sherpa" John Lacroix said...

I think I pissed myself laughing

leeapeea said...

Aww, hon. I'm sorry. No wonder you sounded so down last night.